Emo

It’s been quite a while back since I could wake up at this hour, erm…the last time was I’m still with IBM, guess it should be almost half year by now. Once I awake only I notice that I still haven’t take my bath yet, ishhhhhhh… this is dirty, guess, earlier I’m too tired and depressed for me to take a bath. It’s been better after a nice long sleep. I did notice that there were few sms I received when I asleep and I decided to reply only one message as the sender is a very important friend to me. Still, I’m not too sure what had happened on her side, just like a snap she placed a border between us…not too sure what had happened and that’s what makes me worry about her. But, I do believe in her as she still the one that I always know; hopefully everything will be fine for her.

PS: I knew that you don’t like to owe me that much as you do not know how to return it to me in favor, for me, it’s quite simple…just hope that you could be my audience by the time I’m out of strength in continuing my journey.

Emotions, I heard before, I saw before and I experienced before how good and how bad it could lead on to. Yesterday was another day filled with up and down for me. Morning was really a great one, happened to be I had been selected to the team that I wish to join the most and the good effect last long only till afternoon. When all the good things started to turn bad, erm…to my concern, the root cause wasn’t from my work environment, guess it was from one of my buddy. I’m not really sure why he still wanna think that way, everyone will have their own emotions, if he had it, definitely I’ll have one also. Yupe, I do understand that he was under depressions from few factors, but please, we do have our things and bad times as well. Please take into consideration that I’m not superman, I can’t cold out my emotions, and I can’t handle everything at once! I live as typical human like everybody else and I only have 24 hours in a day which it is not enough for me! Sigh~~~ tired…really tired, tired in settling the loan, tired of hiding all my tiredness and worries in front of my family…at one point, when I’d been chosen into the team, I really wanted to share this good news, the thought disappear when I started to scroll down my phone book…cause I can’t find any candidates at all. Is this proved that I’m a bad person? Or it just that I have really poor communication skills?

Hopefully today, as now it’s already 4.15AM…going to be another good start for me ^^

Time

Its Monday again…many people will take those uneasy feeling as Monday’s blue. For me, I knew it is something different, it’s something which had bothered me since past few days, something that not suppose to happen, yet it took place in my life again. Sitting here alone in the office allows me some times to fill in my blog entries, I’m not too sure why you would starts to avoid me again, maybe I’d overstepped the borders? I don’t really wish to see our friendship turn into sour like this…I always seek opportunities to apologise from you, end up you will telling me I’d think too much, yes, hopefully what you said is true, it just me that I’d over reacted here…
Really, I miss those days where both of u and I talk to each other without any boundaries…really…if time could turn back, I just wish that it could flow back to last week…before the movie…

Sick

Sick…I’m sick…not because of illness…I’m sick of myself. People often said, it’s not that hard to fall in love. I don’t even love myself, how am I going to fall in love with someone? I’m getting tired of myself lately, sick and tired for being so emotional.
Yesterday, and today, I’m involved in clash of words with my friends. They are my long long knowing friends, I do appreciate their existance in my life, sincerely and I really treasure our friendship here, yet, I’d wounded the friendship by act like a fool. Interfering into something which I doesn’t belong to, and letting my anger control all over myself. Two arguments in two days with two good friend. I’m sick and tired of myself, acting like someone and regretting later. If both of you can read this, I’m sorry for being who am I to you all, until now…I only bring grief and sadness to you guys…please forgive me for my foolishness and selfishness...